4/40: Equanimity
Letting go of the suffering of the churn and chaos of wanting in favour of equanimity
It is difficult to leave a beautiful place you love, where you have been happy and at ease.
Buccoo Bay, Tobago, February 2026.
I was until yesterday able just to enjoy being on our island home away from home. But I know that as peaceful as it is here before light, with a bird calling again and again, and the insect hum, within a couple of hours we will be in the rush and hurry of airports and making our way back to our ‘real’ home, in the cold and snow of a pitiless winter.
You Can’t Always Get What You Want
Spiritual traditions from Buddhism to Christianity underline the vast amount of suffering that comes from how ‘sticky’ wanting is. It is at its foundation a rejection of Reality as It Is.
You may have seen the meme popular a few years ago with an image of Cookie Monster with bits of cookie falling out of his mouth and a caption:
”Today I will live in the moment unless the moment is unpleasant, in which case I will eat a cookie! Or two, or three!”
To live a privileged life with all its perks means that it can be easy to sail along largely in the illusion of ‘doing well’ spiritually, because things are going the way I want.
The mental whining though that ensues when I do not get what I want tells another story.
Equanimity
Equanimity (upekkhā in Pali, meaning “to look over” or “to observe impartially”[²]) is the ability to remain composed and internally balanced, regardless of the emotional or circumstantial turbulence that may surround us. In the Christian contemplative tradition, equanimity is echoed in the virtues of peace that surpasses understanding (Philippians 4:7) and gentleness under pressure, seen in the lives of saints and mystics who endured great suffering with spiritual serenity[³].
Contemplation info and Equanimity in Meditation
Not the Cookie Monster who is the epitome of lack of self-control, but truly accepting each moment as it arises, perhaps especially if the moment is unpleasant.
Equanimity is often confused with indifference or apathy. Spiritual bypassers may appear to have it. It is not being numb or disengaged with other humans.
Equanimity is the quality of being able to care deeply without the clinging of wanting to keep something or someone as well as without the push of aversion.
(Note: I was interrupted by needing to leave for the airport, and have travelled all day, so will continue another time.)